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We had a little son, thought we’d call him Sonny

Andrew got a new phone yesterday and as he was transferring photos from his old phone to the new one, he came across all his old photos of Thomas when he was a baby. As we looked through them, all these memories, things I’d totally forgotten about, came flooding back. It’s crazy, he’s only 3 1/2 but it seems like a lifetime ago since he was a baby. There’s all these little things you forget about, like how he used to call dogs “bah” and whenever he would see one he’d point and squeal “oh no! Bah!” Or how he used to hold this old, beat up Garfield doll to the window and just talk and talk to it in his mysterious little per-verbal language as he watched for Andrew to come up the street at our first little house. I remember people saying, when he was a baby, “remember all this, because it goes so fast.” I always thought they were talking about when he was a grown man, and me an old lady, but I realize they mean now, all the little moments in these first few years that just fly by. I regret the time that I spent wishing away the sleepless nights, or how much anxiety I had about nursing properly, that got in the way of my enjoying every single second of him being so little. I always think about when I was a kid and how, at some point, I called my mum “mummy” for the last time and neither of us would have known that I wouldn’t say it again. It gives me a heavy heart. Andrew pointed out that Thomas hasn’t asked for a “carry cuddle” for a while – its his way of getting in a sneaky carry while he gives you a big hug and rests his head on your shoulder. We had a particularly long and cuddly one a few weeks ago while walking home from the market – if that’s the lat one, it sure was a good one to end on.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that he’s growing up and becoming such an incredible little guy, but, (insert sigh here), I wish he’d slow down just a little.

This makes me think of that Paul Simon song,

had a lot of fun, had a lot of money
Had a little son, we thought we’d call him Sonny
Sonny gets married and moves away
Sonny has a baby and bills to pay
Sonny gets sunnier day by day, by day, by day

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All work and no play

Oh man! It`s been ages! Blech! May, and now June, have literally just been a blur to me. I`ve got the new job blues and it has seriously stunted my creativity and zapped just about every ounce of energy I have to do anything other than WORK, MAKE A MEAL, EAT A MEAL, TRY NOT TO BE A MISERABLE MOTHER, SLEEP and REPEAT.

Moving from the comfort of the amazing cardiology unit where I really learned to be a nurse, to the chaos and at times (many, many, many times) complete frustration that is the Emergency Room, has been waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy more difficult than I`d anticipated. While I try to keep in mind that it is the state of the health care system as a whole that allows these things to happen, it is increasingly difficult, ┬áto not say aloud “I`m sorry sir, I`m having a hard time understanding the actual EMERGENCY that brought you into the EMERGENCY room, where we are meant to be dealing with EMERGENCIES. While I`m sure it stung a little to have cut your thumb while opening a can of tuna, a 911 call and an ambulance ride to the ER where I will give you a band-aid and a tetanus shot, maaayyyy be a little bit of overkill, no?” I mean, I get it, there are not enough family doctors, wait times to see the few that there are can be ridiculously long, blah, blah, blah. I can`t even begin to talk about the state of mental health care without feeling a giant knot form in my stomach. UGH.

Anyway, as I walk home and try to shed my anxiety headache and stomach ache after each shift, I remind myself that my job is not my life and that my family and friends are the only thing that matters and usually, by the time I get home I feel a little better. Except for the day that I walked all the way home fretting about my shift, only to get home and remember that I had driven to work that day. Bah!

But, it’s not all work around here, and here are some pics from the last few weeks to prove it (if you click on the image I`ve included captions about just what you`re looking at)